well, you know life must be...weird if i decide to start using blogger again.  Basically its only because people I know use tumblr, and i sometimes want to write private things.  Sure, I could easily make a new blog, but fuck that shit.  idk.

so lets go through all of the things that confuse me right now
1). I honestly cannot connect with people.  its not even that im shy, I just have little to nothing to say to people.  I guess this makes me lonely sometimes.  Like, at Emerson I am content with the few friends I have, but here at Prague I entered with 1, maybe 2, and really dont know how close either of them are to me.  I struggle to get close to people.
2).  Girls.  Where to begin.

•  I started missing sam. 
•  I was on the verge of forgetting all about her in a romantic sense, but today i just got this huge urge to be with her and watch dorky sci fi or phantom of the opera or...you know? 
• I somehow doubt she still likes me.  A month ago this would have thrilled me.  
• maybe i just miss her liking me
• wtf is up with jenni?
• I dont want to date her, just I havent been with someone in ages.  Like honestly, I cant imagine and dont want to imagine what our relationship would look like.  Bottom line, it wouldnt work
• is it bad to just wanna fuck someone who is a good friend of mine?  Like honestly, I would love something as simple as cuddling and sex and then going back to my normal life until i want to again.
• thats a bad idea.
• why does Jenni have a cute roomie
• who I think I annoy
• but i hope not
• idk what i would from her.  Sex? maybe? idk.  cant be something more, she leaves for prague in the fall
• Jaci
• maybe my best friend at Emerson.  I trust her completely (or as close as i could trust someone at emerson).
• cute
• ok, cute enough
• awesome
• her fault.  idk.  i honestly dont know.  it feels both right and perfect and terrible and wrong all at the same time
• she should never have told me she liked me.  It made me panic and choose Sam instead.  but right now...idk.
• can someone just fix my life and make me ok and happy?

and less lonely?

i sometimes wish i was a slightly different person who either knew how to be happy being lonely or knew how to be social.

I mean, im normally happy, i just sometimes think

and i know this post makes me sound pervy.  Im just really wanting to cuddle or something.  its bad but its honest. 

listening to phantom of the opera isnt helping